321 lines
11 KiB
Markdown
321 lines
11 KiB
Markdown
---
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created: 2025-11-02T21:50
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updated: 2025-11-02T21:51
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---
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# Accountability & Support Planning
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## Overview
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Accountability patterns help create external support systems that work WITH neurodivergent brains. Includes body doubling, check-ins, and knowing when/how to reach out.
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## When to Use
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- User mentions working alone feels impossible
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- User asks about accountability partners or body doubling
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- User struggles to start tasks without external pressure
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- User mentions isolation or needing company
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- User asks "how do I stay accountable?"
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- User needs help knowing when to ask for support
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## Pattern: Body Doubling Session Plan
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Use when user wants to try body doubling (working alongside someone).
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```mermaid
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flowchart TD
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Start[Want to try body doubling?] --> Why[Why it works:<br/>Presence = external regulation<br/>Mirror neurons = motivation<br/>Parallel play for adults]
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Why --> Find{Find a body double}
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Find -->|Friend/partner| Personal[In person OR video call<br/>They work on their thing<br/>You work on yours]
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Find -->|Online community| Virtual[Body doubling apps:<br/>Focusmate<br/>Flow Club<br/>Caveday<br/>Study streams]
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Find -->|No one available| Self[Self-doubling:<br/>Work in cafe<br/>Library<br/>Public space]
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Personal --> Setup[Setup the session]
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Virtual --> Setup
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Self --> Setup
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Setup --> Rules[Session rules:<br/>5 min: Check in<br/>Share what you're working on<br/>45-50 min: Work silently<br/>5 min: Check out<br/>Share what you did]
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Rules --> During[During session:<br/>• No chatting during work time<br/>• Camera on if virtual<br/>• Minimal interaction<br/>• Parallel presence only]
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During --> Works{Does it help?}
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Works -->|Yes| Regular[Schedule regular sessions<br/>Works best with consistency]
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Works -->|Not sure| Try[Try 3 sessions<br/>before deciding]
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Works -->|No| Other[Try other support:<br/>Time-boxing<br/>Accountability check-ins<br/>Working in public]
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Regular --> Tips[Tips for success:<br/>• Same time helps<br/>• Match energy levels<br/>• Okay to do different tasks<br/>• End on time]
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style Start fill:#e1f5ff
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style Why fill:#fff3cd
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style Tips fill:#d4f1d4
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```
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**What body doubling is NOT:**
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- Not collaboration (you work separately)
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- Not socializing (minimal talking)
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- Not teaching/helping (just presence)
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- Not pressure (gentle accountability)
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**What it IS:**
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- Parallel work
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- Borrowed motivation
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- External regulation
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- Warm companionship
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## Pattern: Accountability Check-In Schedule
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Use when user wants regular check-ins but not constant body doubling.
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```mermaid
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flowchart LR
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subgraph Monday[" Monday Morning"]
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M1[Plan week<br/>10 min]
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M2[Share plan with<br/>accountability partner<br/>5 min]
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end
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subgraph Daily[" Each Day"]
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D1[Morning:<br/>What's the ONE thing<br/>for today?<br/>Text or post<br/>2 min]
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D2[Evening:<br/>Did you do it?<br/>What got in the way?<br/>Text or post<br/>2 min]
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end
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subgraph Friday[" Friday Evening"]
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F1[Weekly review:<br/>What worked?<br/>What didn't?<br/>Adjust next week<br/>15 min]
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F2[Share with partner<br/>Or journal<br/>5 min]
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end
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Monday --> Daily --> Daily --> Daily --> Daily --> Friday
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Partner[Accountability partner<br/>checks your posts<br/>You check theirs<br/>No judgment,<br/>just presence] -.-> Monday
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style Monday fill:#e1f5ff
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style Daily fill:#fff3cd
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style Friday fill:#fef3c7
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```
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**Accountability partner guidelines:**
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- NOT a manager or supervisor
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- Someone also working on their goals
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- Reciprocal support
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- Check in on schedule
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- Celebrate wins together
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- No shame about struggles
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**Where to find accountability partners:**
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- ADHD online communities
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- Friends with similar goals
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- Coworkers (if appropriate)
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- Paid accountability coaches
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- Group programs
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## Pattern: When to Reach Out Decision Tree
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Use when user struggles knowing when to ask for help vs. figure it out alone.
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```mermaid
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flowchart TD
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Stuck[Feeling stuck/<br/>struggling] --> Try{Have you tried<br/>solving it yourself?}
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Try -->|No| Quick[Try for 10-15 min<br/>first]
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Try -->|Yes| How{How long have<br/>you been stuck?}
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Quick --> Tried[Tried for 10-15 min]
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Tried --> How
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How -->|< 30 min| Wait[Try a different approach<br/>Take a break<br/>Come back to it]
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How -->|30 min - 2 hours| Check{Is this time-sensitive<br/>OR blocking other work?}
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How -->|> 2 hours| Reach[Reach out now<br/>You've done your part]
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Check -->|Yes| Reach
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Check -->|No| Post[Post in async channel<br/>or scheduled check-in<br/>Continue other work]
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Reach --> Who[Who to reach out to?]
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Who --> List[Options:<br/>• Teammate who knows this<br/>• Manager if unsure who<br/>• Online community<br/>• Friend who gets it<br/>• Professional if serious]
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List --> How2[How to ask:<br/>'I'm stuck on X<br/>I've tried Y and Z<br/>Still not working<br/>Can you help?']
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How2 --> After[After getting help:<br/>Say thank you<br/>Document solution<br/>Offer help back later]
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style Stuck fill:#fff3cd
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style Reach fill:#d4f1d4
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style After fill:#e1f5ff
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```
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**Important mindset shifts:**
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- Asking for help = strength, not weakness
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- 2 hours stuck = too long alone
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- Documenting = helping future you
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- Reciprocal support = healthy
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**ADHD-specific note:** "I should figure this out" can trap you for hours. Set a timer when starting.
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## Pattern: Support Network Map
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Use when user needs to identify their support system.
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```mermaid
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flowchart TD
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You[You] --> Types{Types of support<br/>you need}
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Types --> Task[Task/Work Support]
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Types --> Emotional[Emotional Support]
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Types --> Social[Social Connection]
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Types --> Practical[Practical Help]
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Task --> T1[Who can help with:<br/>• Coworking/body doubling<br/>• Technical questions<br/>• Accountability<br/>• Feedback on work]
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Emotional --> E1[Who can help with:<br/>• Listening when overwhelmed<br/>• Validation<br/>• Encouragement<br/>• Non-judgmental presence]
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Social --> S1[Who can help with:<br/>• Hanging out<br/>• Shared activities<br/>• Fun without pressure<br/>• Belonging]
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Practical --> P1[Who can help with:<br/>• Emergency childcare<br/>• Ride if car breaks down<br/>• Advice on life stuff<br/>• Practical problem-solving]
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T1 --> Map1[Map your people:<br/>Name each person<br/>What they're good for<br/>How to reach them]
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E1 --> Map1
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S1 --> Map1
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P1 --> Map1
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Map1 --> Gaps{Notice any gaps?}
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Gaps -->|Big gap| Build[How to build this:<br/>Join communities<br/>Take a class<br/>Reach out to acquaintances<br/>Try new spaces]
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Gaps -->|Pretty covered| Great[You have a network!<br/>Reach out regularly<br/>Don't wait for crisis]
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style You fill:#e1f5ff
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style Map1 fill:#fff3cd
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style Great fill:#d4f1d4
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```
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**Key insight:** No one person = all support types. That's too much pressure. Different people for different needs.
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**How to build support:**
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- Start with ONE type of support
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- Online communities count as real support
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- Reciprocal support = sustainable
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- Regular check-ins > crisis-only
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## Pattern: Async Accountability System
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Use when user can't find real-time accountability but still needs external structure.
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```mermaid
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flowchart LR
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subgraph Setup[" Setup (One Time)"]
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S1[Choose platform:<br/>Discord<br/>Slack<br/>Notion<br/>Bullet journal<br/>Voice memos]
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S2[Create daily template:<br/>Today's goal:<br/>Progress updates:<br/>Blockers:<br/>Done for the day:]
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end
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subgraph Morning[" Each Morning"]
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M1[Fill in goal<br/>2 min]
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M2[Post/write it<br/>1 min]
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end
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subgraph Throughout[" Throughout Day"]
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W1[Update as you work<br/>Optional, not required]
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W2[If stuck:<br/>Post blocker<br/>Ask for async help]
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end
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subgraph Evening[" Each Evening"]
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E1[Mark what got done<br/>2 min]
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E2[Note what didn't<br/>No judgment<br/>Just data<br/>1 min]
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E3[Read own posts<br/>from past week<br/>Notice patterns<br/>3 min]
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end
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Setup --> Morning --> Throughout --> Evening
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Note[The act of writing<br/>creates accountability<br/>even if no one reads it] -.-> Morning
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style Setup fill:#e1f5ff
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style Morning fill:#fff3cd
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style Evening fill:#fef3c7
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```
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**Why async works:**
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- No scheduling required
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- Works across time zones
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- Reduces social pressure
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- Creates documentation
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- Private or public (your choice)
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**Bonus:** Reading your own history = see progress you'd otherwise forget.
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## Pattern: Crisis Support Protocol
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Use when user needs to define support plan for bad days/burnout.
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```mermaid
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flowchart TD
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Normal[Normal functioning] --> Watch{Early warning signs}
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Watch -->|Seeing signs| Yellow[Yellow Alert:<br/>Missing habits<br/>Increased irritability<br/>Avoiding people<br/>Sleep disrupted]
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Yellow --> Act1[Actions:<br/>• Tell one person<br/>• Clear tomorrow's calendar<br/>• Lower expectations<br/>• Do minimum viable routine<br/>• Rest]
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Act1 --> Check1{Getting worse?}
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Check1 -->|No, stabilizing| Back1[Continue yellow actions<br/>Monitor daily]
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Check1 -->|Yes| Orange[Orange Alert:<br/>Can't work effectively<br/>Feeling overwhelmed<br/>Struggling with basics<br/>Isolation increasing]
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Orange --> Act2[Actions:<br/>• Reach out to 2-3 people<br/>• Take sick day if needed<br/>• Cancel non-essentials<br/>• Ask for practical help<br/>• See therapist if you have one]
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Act2 --> Check2{Crisis level?}
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Check2 -->|No| Back2[Continue orange actions<br/>Check in daily with someone]
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Check2 -->|Yes| Red[Red Alert:<br/>Thoughts of harm<br/>Can't function<br/>Need immediate help]
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Red --> Emergency[CALL SOMEONE NOW:<br/>• Therapist<br/>• Crisis hotline: 988<br/>• Trusted person<br/>• Emergency services<br/><br/>This is what they're for]
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Back1 --> Monitor[Keep monitoring<br/>Slowly resume normal]
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Back2 --> Monitor
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style Yellow fill:#fef3c7
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style Orange fill:#fed7aa
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style Red fill:#fecaca
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style Emergency fill:#f87171
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```
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**Set up BEFORE crisis:**
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- List your warning signs
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- List your support people + contact info
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- List what helps when struggling
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- Review every 6 months
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**Share this plan with:** One trusted person who can check on you.
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## Language Guidelines
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**Use connection-affirming, shame-reducing language:**
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✅ DO:
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- "Asking for help is a skill"
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- "You don't have to do everything alone"
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- "Support is for everyone, not just crisis"
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- "Different people for different needs"
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- "Reciprocal support is healthy"
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- "Connection is as important as productivity"
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❌ DON'T:
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- "You should be able to handle this"
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- "Don't be a burden"
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- "You're asking for help too much"
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- "Figure it out yourself"
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- "Stop being needy"
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## Building Support Capacity
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**For ADHD specifically:**
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- Isolation worsens symptoms
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- External regulation helps executive function
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- Body doubling = borrowed motivation
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- Regular check-ins = external memory
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- Shame prevents asking for help
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**Start small:**
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- One accountability partner
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- One body doubling session
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- One support person identified
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- One async check-in system
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- Build from there
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