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skills/skill/references/coaching-techniques.md

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+# Coaching Techniques Reference
+
+Detailed methodology guides for effective founder coaching conversations.
+
+## Growth Mindset in Coaching (Carol Dweck Research)
+
+### The Core Finding
+
+35+ years of research shows that **how you praise matters more than how much you praise**.
+
+**[Mueller & Dweck (1998)](https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.75.1.33)** - *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology* - 5th graders given different types of praise:
+- **Trait praise** ("You must be smart"): Students avoided challenges, lost confidence when struggling, performance declined, 38% lied about scores
+- **Process praise** ("You must have worked hard"): Students sought challenges, persisted through difficulty, performance improved
+
+### Fixed vs. Growth Mindset
+
+| Fixed Mindset | Growth Mindset |
+|--------------|----------------|
+| Intelligence/ability is static | Intelligence/ability grows with effort |
+| Avoids challenges (might fail) | Seeks challenges (opportunity to grow) |
+| Effort = you're not smart enough | Effort = path to mastery |
+| Gives up when stuck | Persists through obstacles |
+| Ignores useful feedback | Learns from criticism |
+| Threatened by others' success | Inspired by others' success |
+
+### How Coaching Language Shapes Mindset
+
+**Fixed mindset triggers:**
+- "You're a natural entrepreneur"
+- "You're so talented at this"
+- "Some people just have it"
+- "You're smart enough to figure this out" (implies smartness is fixed)
+
+**Growth mindset triggers:**
+- "Your strategy here was effective"
+- "The effort you put into preparation shows"
+- "You've improved significantly since we last talked"
+- "What did you learn from that setback?"
+
+### Reframing Struggle as Growth
+
+**Fixed mindset view:** Struggle = evidence of inadequacy
+**Growth mindset view:** Struggle = evidence of learning happening
+
+**Coaching reframes:**
+- "Finding this hard means you're pushing your boundaries"
+- "Confusion is often the first step to understanding"
+- "The fact that you're stuck shows you're tackling something meaningful"
+- "What's one thing this challenge is teaching you?"
+
+### The Effort Paradox
+
+**Warning:** Praising effort alone can backfire if the effort isn't effective.
+
+**Ineffective:** "You tried really hard!" (when strategy was wrong)
+**Effective:** "You tried multiple approaches—what did you learn about which ones work?"
+
+The goal is to praise **effective effort**—effort that involves good strategies, seeking help, and learning from mistakes.
+
+### Application to Founder Coaching
+
+| Situation | Fixed Mindset Response (Avoid) | Growth Mindset Response (Use) |
+|-----------|-------------------------------|------------------------------|
+| Founder succeeds | "You're a great founder" | "Your approach to customer discovery was methodical" |
+| Founder fails | "Maybe this isn't for you" | "What did this teach you? How will you adjust?" |
+| Founder is stuck | "You should be able to figure this out" | "Getting stuck on hard problems is normal. What have you tried?" |
+| Founder avoids challenge | "That's okay, play to your strengths" | "What would you learn by trying it anyway?" |
+
+## GROW Model
+
+The most widely-used coaching framework, developed by Sir John Whitmore.
+
+### Structure
+
+**G - Goal**: What do you want to achieve?
+**R - Reality**: Where are you now?
+**O - Options**: What could you do?
+**W - Will**: What will you do?
+
+### Goal Questions
+
+Start by establishing what the founder wants from this conversation and longer-term:
+
+- "What would you like to focus on today?"
+- "What does your ideal future look like?"
+- "Over what time frame?"
+- "How will you know when you've achieved it?"
+- "What would make this session well-spent?"
+
+**Keys to Good Goals**
+- Specific enough to measure
+- Within founder's control
+- Positively stated (what they want, not what they don't want)
+- Time-bound
+
+### Reality Questions
+
+Understand current situation without judgment:
+
+- "Where are you now on a scale of 1-10?"
+- "What's happening at the moment?"
+- "What have you tried so far?"
+- "Who else is involved?"
+- "What's stopping you from being at a 10?"
+- "What resources do you have?"
+- "What's worked before in similar situations?"
+
+**Purpose**: Create accurate assessment, surface assumptions, identify resources already available.
+
+### Options Questions
+
+Generate possibilities without evaluating yet:
+
+- "What could you do?"
+- "What else?" (ask 3-5 times)
+- "If you had no constraints, what would you do?"
+- "What would you advise a friend in this situation?"
+- "What are the advantages and disadvantages of each option?"
+- "What would happen if you did nothing?"
+- "Who else might help?"
+
+**Rules**
+- Quantity over quality first
+- No evaluation during brainstorming
+- Include wild/unlikely options
+- Ask "what else?" until genuinely stuck
+
+### Will Questions
+
+Convert options into specific commitments:
+
+- "What will you do?"
+- "When exactly will you do it?"
+- "What obstacles might you meet?"
+- "How will you overcome them?"
+- "Who needs to know?"
+- "What support do you need?"
+- "How committed are you on a scale of 1-10?"
+- "What would make it a 10?"
+
+**Commitment Checklist**
+- Is it specific?
+- Is there a deadline?
+- Are obstacles anticipated?
+- Is commitment level high (8+)?
+
+## Solution-Focused Brief Coaching
+
+Developed by Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg. Core philosophy: Focus on solutions, not problems.
+
+### Core Principles
+
+1. **If it ain't broke, don't fix it**
+2. **Once you know what works, do more of it**
+3. **If it's not working, do something different**
+
+### The Miracle Question
+
+**"Suppose tonight while you sleep, a miracle happens. The problem is solved. When you wake up tomorrow, what will be the first small sign that tells you the miracle happened?"**
+
+**Follow-Up Questions**
+- "What will be different?"
+- "Who will notice first?"
+- "What will they see you doing?"
+- "What will that make possible?"
+
+**Purpose**: Bypass problem-focus, reveal desired future state, make abstract goals concrete.
+
+### Exception Finding
+
+**"Tell me about a time when this problem wasn't happening, or was less severe. What was different? What were you doing differently?"**
+
+**Follow-Up Questions**
+- "How did you make that happen?"
+- "What was different about that situation?"
+- "How could you do more of that?"
+
+**Purpose**: Identify existing solutions, build on past successes, recognize founder's own resources.
+
+### Scaling Questions
+
+**"On a scale of 1-10, where 10 is the miracle and 1 is the worst it's been, where are you today?"**
+
+**Follow-Ups**
+- "What makes it a [current number] and not lower?"
+- "What would it take to move from [current] to [current +1]?"
+- "When have you been at a higher number?"
+- "What was happening then?"
+
+**Purpose**: Make abstract progress concrete, identify small steps, celebrate progress already made.
+
+### Coping Questions
+
+For founders in crisis or overwhelm:
+
+- "How have you managed to keep going despite everything?"
+- "What keeps you from giving up?"
+- "What's one thing that's still working?"
+
+**Purpose**: Recognize resilience, identify coping resources, shift from helplessness to agency.
+
+## Socratic Method
+
+Named after Socrates. Uses disciplined questioning to stimulate critical thinking and illuminate assumptions.
+
+### Six Types of Socratic Questions
+
+**1. Clarifying Questions**
+- "What exactly do you mean by...?"
+- "Can you give me an example?"
+- "How does this relate to your goal?"
+- "What's the connection between X and Y?"
+
+**2. Probing Assumptions**
+- "What are you assuming here?"
+- "Is that always the case?"
+- "What would happen if that assumption were wrong?"
+- "What would need to be true for X?"
+
+**3. Probing Reasons and Evidence**
+- "What evidence supports that?"
+- "How do you know that's true?"
+- "What makes you say that?"
+- "Is that data or intuition?"
+
+**4. Exploring Viewpoints and Perspectives**
+- "How would your co-founder see this?"
+- "What's the alternative perspective?"
+- "How would this look from your users' view?"
+- "What would a skeptic say?"
+
+**5. Examining Implications and Consequences**
+- "If you do that, what happens next?"
+- "What are the long-term implications?"
+- "How does this affect your other goals?"
+- "What's the cost of this choice?"
+
+**6. Meta-Questions (Questions about Questions)**
+- "Why do you think I asked that?"
+- "What other questions should we explore?"
+- "What question would be most useful right now?"
+- "What are you not asking that you should be?"
+
+### The Funnel Technique
+
+**Start Broad**
+"Tell me about the situation you're facing."
+
+**Narrow Focus**
+"Of all those factors, which feels most critical?"
+
+**Go Deep**
+"What makes that factor so important to you?"
+
+**Surface Insights**
+"What are you realizing as we talk through this?"
+
+**Plan Action**
+"Given what we've discovered, what's one small step you could take?"
+
+## Michael Bungay Stanier's 7 Essential Questions
+
+From "The Coaching Habit"—designed to stay curious longer and rush to advice less quickly.
+
+### 1. "What's on your mind?" (The Kickstart Question)
+- Open-ended, focused
+- Gets to what's actually important
+- Better than "How are you?"
+
+### 2. "And what else?" (The AWE Question)
+- Most important question
+- First answer is rarely the real answer
+- Prevents rushing to problem-solving
+- Ask 3-5 times per conversation
+
+### 3. "What's the real challenge here for you?" (The Focus Question)
+- Cuts through complexity
+- "Real challenge" = get to the root
+- "For you" = makes it personal, not abstract
+
+### 4. "What do you want?" (The Foundation Question)
+- Clarifies desired outcome
+- Creates autonomy
+- Transitions from reflection to action
+
+### 5. "How can I help?" (The Lazy Question)
+- Places ownership on the other person
+- Prevents assuming you know how to help
+- Acceptable responses: Yes/No/Alternative/Let me think
+
+### 6. "If you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?" (The Strategic Question)
+- Forces prioritization
+- Reveals trade-offs
+- Creates focus and boundaries
+
+### 7. "What was most useful for you?" (The Learning Question)
+- Consolidates learning
+- Builds self-awareness
+- Improves future sessions
+
+## Radical Candor for Honest Feedback
+
+Kim Scott's framework for giving feedback that's both caring and direct.
+
+### The 2x2 Matrix
+
+|  | Low Challenge | High Challenge |
+|---|---|---|
+| **High Care** | Ruinous Empathy | **RADICAL CANDOR** ✓ |
+| **Low Care** | Manipulative Insincerity | Obnoxious Aggression |
+
+**Ruinous Empathy** is the most common failure mode—being nice instead of being helpful.
+
+### The CORE Method for Criticism
+
+When delivering difficult feedback, use this structure:
+
+- **C**ontext: "In yesterday's investor pitch..."
+- **O**bservation: "When you said the market is $50B without citing a source..."
+- **R**esult: "The investor visibly disengaged and asked no follow-up questions..."
+- **E**xpectation: "Going forward, lead with credible third-party market data."
+
+### Application for Founder Coaching
+
+**Before giving hard feedback:**
+1. Check your intent—are you trying to help them succeed?
+2. Use CORE structure to be specific, not vague
+3. Focus on behavior and results, not character
+4. Make it a conversation: "How does that land for you?"
+
+**Common mistakes:**
+- The "feedback sandwich" (positive-negative-positive) buries the message
+- Adam Grant: "When you start and end with positive feedback, criticism gets buried or discounted"
+- Better: Direct feedback followed by "What would help?"
+
+## Powerful Question Characteristics
+
+Research shows effective coaching questions share these traits:
+
+### Open-Ended
+- Start with What, How, When
+- Avoid Why (too defensive)
+- Allow exploration, not yes/no
+
+**Good**: "What options do you see?"
+**Bad**: "Do you have options?"
+
+### Future-Focused
+- "What do you want to create?"
+- "Where do you want to be in 6 months?"
+- Not: "Why did this go wrong?"
+
+### Generatively Ambiguous
+- Allow client to define terms their own way
+- "What does success mean to you?"
+- Not: "Do you want to hit $1M ARR?"
+
+### Short and Clean
+- 5-10 words ideal
+- No metaphors unless client introduces them
+- Minimal interference from coach
+
+### Client-Focused, Not Problem-Focused
+- "What do you want?"
+- "What's working?"
+- Not: "What's the problem?" "What's broken?"
+
+## Accountability Structures
+
+### The Accountability Conversation
+
+**Opening (5 minutes)**
+1. "What did you commit to last time?"
+2. "What actually happened?"
+3. If completed: "What did you learn?"
+4. If not completed: "What got in the way?" (curious, not judgmental)
+
+**Middle (20 minutes)**
+5. "What does that tell you?"
+6. "What do you want to do differently?"
+7. Continue with GROW or other framework
+
+**Closing (5 minutes)**
+8. "What's your commitment for next time?"
+9. "On a scale of 1-10, how confident are you?"
+10. "What might get in the way?"
+11. "How will you handle that?"
+
+### Making Commitments Stick
+
+**SMART Format**
+- **Specific**: "Talk to 10 users" not "do user research"
+- **Measurable**: Clear success criteria
+- **Achievable**: Within founder's control
+- **Relevant**: Connected to stated goals
+- **Time-bound**: "By Friday" not "soon"
+
+**Obstacle Pre-Mortems**
+Before any commitment is made:
+- "What might get in the way?"
+- "What's happened before when you tried this?"
+- "What would make it a 10/10 in commitment?"
+- If below 8/10: "What would make it higher?"
+
+### Commitment Devices
+
+Research-backed techniques:
+- **Public commitment**: Share goals with someone else
+- **Implementation intentions**: "If X happens, I will do Y"
+- **Progress documentation**: Visual tracking
+
+## When to Ask vs. When to Tell
+
+### Default to Questions (80%)
+
+**Why Questions Work Better**
+- Founder implements THEIR solution, not yours
+- Builds decision-making capacity
+- You don't have full context
+- Creates ownership, not dependency
+
+### When Advice IS Appropriate (20%)
+
+1. Founder explicitly asks: "What would you do?"
+2. Safety/legal/ethical considerations
+3. Factual information (grants, market data, frameworks)
+4. After thorough exploration, founder is genuinely stuck
+
+### How to Give Advice Without Undermining
+
+1. **Ask permission**: "Would it be useful if I shared what I've seen work for others?"
+2. **Offer options, not directives**: "Some founders have tried X or Y. What resonates?"
+3. **Stay tentative**: "I wonder if..." not "You should..."
+4. **Check fit**: "How does that land for you?"
+5. **Return to questions**: "What would you adapt from that for your situation?"
+
+## Empowerment Techniques
+
+### Reflect Questions Back
+
+**Founder**: "Should I hire a head of sales?"
+**Weak**: "Yes, you should."
+**Strong**: "What's making you consider that now?"
+
+### Mine Past Successes
+
+- "When have you faced a similar decision? What did you do?"
+- "What's worked for you in the past when you were uncertain?"
+
+### Expand Options
+
+- "What else could you try?"
+- "If that option wasn't available, what would you do?"
+- "What would [someone they admire] do?"
+
+### Strengthen Decision-Making
+
+- "What criteria matter most here?"
+- "What information would help you decide?"
+- "How will you know if it's the right call?"
+
+### Build Meta-Cognition
+
+- "What's your thinking process here?"
+- "How are you approaching this decision?"
+- "What questions are you asking yourself?"
+
+## Anti-Patterns to Avoid
+
+### Solution Dumping
+**Problem**: Immediately providing answers
+**Fix**: Ask 3 questions before any suggestion
+
+### Vague Questions
+**Problem**: "How do you feel about that?"
+**Fix**: Specific questions that advance thinking
+
+### Interrupting
+**Problem**: Talking more than listening
+**Fix**: Target 20% coach, 80% founder
+
+### Making It About You
+**Problem**: "When I was building my startup..."
+**Fix**: Share sparingly, return to their situation
+
+### Ignoring Emotions
+**Problem**: Pure analysis on emotional topics
+**Fix**: Acknowledge before problem-solving
+
+### Being Too Nice
+**Problem**: Sugar-coating dilutes value
+**Fix**: "I want to be direct with you..."
+
+### Generic Advice
+**Problem**: Same advice to everyone
+**Fix**: Mine their specific context