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---
name: Writing Mentor
description: Guide users writing new pieces, revising drafts, planning structure, improving organization, making messages memorable, or applying expert writing techniques from McPhee, Zinsser, King, Pinker, Clark, Klinkenborg, Lamott, and Heath
---
# Writing Mentor
## Table of Contents
**Start Here**
- [Understand the Situation](#understand-the-situation) - Ask these questions first
**Workflows**
- [Full Writing Process](#full-writing-process-new-piece) - New piece from start to finish
- [Revision & Polish](#revision--polish-existing-draft) - Improve existing draft (most common)
- [Structure Planning](#structure-planning) - Organize ideas before writing
- [Stickiness Enhancement](#stickiness-enhancement) - Make message memorable
- [Pre-Publishing Checklist](#pre-publishing-checklist) - Final check before sharing
## Understand the Situation
Before starting any new piece, work with the user to explore these questions:
- [ ] What are you writing? (genre, length, purpose)
- [ ] Who is your primary audience?
- [ ] What is your reader's state of mind? (what do they know? what do they expect?)
- [ ] What is your core promise in ≤12 words?
- [ ] What must the reader remember if they forget everything else?
- [ ] What's at stake emotionally for the reader?
- [ ] What's at stake practically for the reader?
- [ ] What is your commander's intent? (the single essential goal)
- [ ] Why should the reader care?
Work together to document the intent brief before proceeding.
## Full Writing Process (New Piece)
**For:** User starting from scratch
Copy this checklist and track your progress:
```
Full Writing Process:
- [ ] Step 1: Plan structural architecture
- [ ] Step 2: Draft with discipline
- [ ] Step 3: Revise in three passes
- [ ] Step 4: Enhance stickiness
- [ ] Step 5: Pre-publishing check
```
**Step 1: Plan structural architecture**
Work with user to select and diagram the appropriate structure type (List, Chronological, Circular, Pyramid, etc.). See [resources/structure-types.md](resources/structure-types.md) for complete workflow with 8 structure types, diagrams, and selection criteria.
**Step 2: Draft with discipline**
Review intent brief and structure diagram together. Remind user that shitty first drafts are good (Lamott)—write without editing. Guide to favor concrete nouns, strong verbs, sensory detail (King), and short declarative sentences (Klinkenborg). Encourage flow—don't stop to perfect, just get words on paper.
**Step 3: Revise in three passes**
Apply systematic revision: Pass 1 cuts clutter (Zinsser/King), Pass 2 reduces cognitive load (Pinker), Pass 3 improves rhythm (Clark). See [resources/revision-guide.md](resources/revision-guide.md) for complete three-pass workflow with specific techniques for each pass.
**Step 4: Enhance stickiness**
Apply SUCCESs framework (Simple, Unexpected, Concrete, Credible, Emotional, Stories) to make message memorable. See [resources/success-model.md](resources/success-model.md) for complete workflow, stickiness scorecard (0-18 points), and before/after examples.
**Step 5: Pre-publishing check**
Run through comprehensive checklist covering content, structure, clarity, style, polish, and final tests. See [Pre-Publishing Checklist](#pre-publishing-checklist) below for all items before sharing or publishing.
## Revision & Polish (Existing Draft)
**For:** User has draft, needs improvement
Copy this checklist and track your progress:
```
Revision & Polish:
- [ ] Step 1: Three-pass revision
- [ ] Step 2: Enhance stickiness (optional)
```
**Step 1: Three-pass revision**
Apply systematic revision in three passes: Pass 1 cuts clutter (Zinsser/King) by removing weak constructions and cutting 10-25%; Pass 2 reduces cognitive load (Pinker) by fixing garden-paths and improving readability; Pass 3 improves rhythm (Clark) by varying sentences, adding gold-coins, and enhancing flow. See [resources/revision-guide.md](resources/revision-guide.md) for complete workflow with specific techniques for each pass.
**Step 2: Enhance stickiness (optional)**
Apply SUCCESs framework (Simple, Unexpected, Concrete, Credible, Emotional, Stories) to make message more memorable. See [resources/success-model.md](resources/success-model.md) for complete workflow, stickiness scorecard, and before/after examples.
## Structure Planning
**For:** User has ideas but unsure how to organize
Copy this checklist and track your progress:
```
Structure Planning:
- [ ] Step 1: Select appropriate structure type
- [ ] Step 2: Create structure diagram
- [ ] Step 3: Place gold-coins strategically
```
**Step 1: Select appropriate structure type**
Work with user to understand their content and choose from 8 structure types (List, Chronological, Circular, Dual Profile, Pyramid, Parallel Narratives, etc.). See [resources/structure-types.md](resources/structure-types.md) for philosophy, structure selection criteria, and diagrams for each type.
**Step 2: Create structure diagram**
Follow the 5-step process to diagram the chosen structure with user's specific content. See [Creating Your Own Structure Diagram](resources/structure-types.md#creating-your-own-structure-diagram) for step-by-step guidance.
**Step 3: Place gold-coins strategically**
Identify where to place narrative rewards (gold-coins) to maintain reader engagement, especially in middle sections. See [Gold-Coin Placement Strategy](resources/structure-types.md#gold-coin-placement-strategy) for techniques.
## Stickiness Enhancement
**For:** User wants message to be more memorable
Copy this checklist and track your progress:
```
Stickiness Enhancement:
- [ ] Step 1: Rate current stickiness
- [ ] Step 2: Apply SUCCESs framework
- [ ] Step 3: Re-rate and refine
```
**Step 1: Rate current stickiness**
Use the stickiness scorecard to rate the current message on 6 dimensions (0-18 points total). This establishes baseline. See [resources/success-model.md](resources/success-model.md) for complete scorecard and rating guidance.
**Step 2: Apply SUCCESs framework**
Work through all 6 principles systematically: Simple (find core), Unexpected (break schemas), Concrete (sensory details), Credible (testable claims), Emotional (make people care), Stories (simulate experience). See [detailed guidance on all 6 principles](resources/success-model.md#success-framework-details) for specific techniques.
**Step 3: Re-rate and refine**
Score the revised message using the same scorecard. Aim for 12+ points for good stickiness. See [before/after examples](resources/success-model.md#before-after-examples) for transformation patterns.
## Pre-Publishing Checklist
Use before sharing or publishing.
### Content
- [ ] Core message is crystal clear
- [ ] All facts checked for accuracy
- [ ] Examples are relevant and appropriate
- [ ] Arguments are sound and complete
- [ ] No missing information
### Structure
- [ ] Opening hooks readers
- [ ] Flow is logical and smooth
- [ ] Transitions work smoothly
- [ ] Middle section has gold coins
- [ ] Conclusion satisfies
### Clarity
- [ ] No jargon (or all jargon explained)
- [ ] No ambiguous pronouns
- [ ] No garden-path sentences
- [ ] Technical accuracy maintained
- [ ] Appropriate for target audience
### Style
- [ ] Tone is consistent
- [ ] Voice is appropriate
- [ ] Sentence variety is good (score 7+/10)
- [ ] No clutter remains
- [ ] Active voice predominates
### Polish
- [ ] Spelling checked
- [ ] Grammar correct
- [ ] Punctuation proper
- [ ] Formatting consistent
- [ ] Links work (if applicable)
### Final Tests
- [ ] Read aloud - does it sound good?
- [ ] Fresh eyes review (if possible)
- [ ] Achieves stated intent
- [ ] Satisfies target audience needs
- [ ] You're proud of it

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# Three-Pass Revision System
## Table of Contents
- [Workflow](#workflow) - Step-by-step revision checklist for all 3 passes
- [Why Three Passes?](#why-three-passes) - Philosophy behind the system
- [Pass 1: Cut Clutter](#pass-1-cut-clutter-zinsserking) - Make it lean (Zinsser/King)
- [Pass 2: Reduce Cognitive Load](#pass-2-reduce-cognitive-load-pinker) - Make it readable (Pinker)
- [Pass 3: Improve Rhythm](#pass-3-improve-rhythm-clark) - Make it flow (Clark)
- [Complete Three-Pass Example](#complete-three-pass-example) - Full transformation demonstration
## Workflow
Copy this checklist and track your progress:
```
Three-Pass Revision:
- [ ] Pass 1: Cut clutter (analyze → improve)
- [ ] Pass 2: Reduce cognitive load (analyze → improve)
- [ ] Pass 3: Improve rhythm (analyze → improve)
```
**Before starting:** Review [Why Three Passes?](#why-three-passes) to understand the philosophy and [Complete Three-Pass Example](#complete-three-pass-example) to see full transformation from draft to polished prose.
**IMPORTANT:** For each pass, analyze the ENTIRE draft first and output findings to an analysis file in the current directory, then read that file to make improvements. This ensures complete coverage of the document. These analysis files remain in the project for your review.
**Pass 1: Cut clutter (analyze → improve)**
**Analysis phase:** Read ENTIRE draft. Create analysis file `writer-pass1-clutter-analysis.md` identifying ALL instances: adverbs (-ly words), qualifiers (very, really, quite), passive voice, weak verbs (is, are, was, were, has/have/had), throat-clearing phrases, clichés. Calculate word count and target 10-25% reduction.
**Improvement phase:** Read analysis file. Work through ENTIRE draft making improvements: remove 70% of adverbs, delete qualifiers, convert passive to active, replace weak verbs with action verbs, eliminate throat-clearing, remove clichés. Verify 10-25% word count reduction. Ensure every remaining word earns its place.
See [Pass 1: Cut Clutter](#pass-1-cut-clutter-zinsserking) for detailed examples and guidance.
**Pass 2: Reduce cognitive load (analyze → improve)**
**Analysis phase:** Read ENTIRE draft. Create analysis file `writer-pass2-cognitive-load-analysis.md` identifying ALL issues: garden-path sentences, buried topics, subject-verb-object separated >7 words, ambiguous pronouns, broken topic chains, sentences requiring re-reading.
**Improvement phase:** Read analysis file. Work through ENTIRE draft making improvements: fix garden-paths, signal topic at start of each sentence, keep subject-verb-object close, clarify pronouns, repair topic chains, break overly complex sentences. Read aloud to verify no stumbles. Ensure first reading is correct reading.
See [Pass 2: Reduce Cognitive Load](#pass-2-reduce-cognitive-load-pinker) for detailed examples and guidance.
**Pass 3: Improve rhythm (analyze → improve)**
**Analysis phase:** Read ENTIRE draft. Create analysis file `writer-pass3-rhythm-analysis.md` analyzing patterns: list sentence lengths for each paragraph, identify monotonous patterns (5+ similar-length in a row), list last word of each sentence marking weak endings, map gold-coin placement identifying gaps, note opportunities for ladder of abstraction (concrete → general → concrete), mark sections lacking variety.
**Improvement phase:** Read analysis file. Work through ENTIRE draft making improvements: add short sentences for emphasis after longer ones, replace weak sentence endings with strong words, distribute gold-coin moments throughout (especially middle), apply ladder of abstraction, vary sentence lengths deliberately. Read aloud to verify flow. Assess variety: confirm good mix of short, medium, and long sentences.
See [Pass 3: Improve Rhythm](#pass-3-improve-rhythm-clark) for detailed examples and guidance.
See detailed examples and guidance in [Pass 3 section](#pass-3-improve-rhythm-clark).
---
## Why Three Passes?
Trying to fix everything at once overwhelms your critical faculties. Each pass has one focus, making the work manageable and more effective. Multiple focused passes produce better results than one comprehensive revision.
**The System:**
1. **Pass 1: Cut Clutter** (Zinsser/King) - Make it lean
2. **Pass 2: Reduce Cognitive Load** (Pinker) - Make it readable
3. **Pass 3: Improve Rhythm** (Clark) - Make it flow
**Note:** Message stickiness (Heath's SUCCESs model) is handled separately in resources/success-model.md
---
## Pass 1: Cut Clutter (Zinsser/King)
### Goal
Cut 10-25% of the word count. King's formula: **2nd draft = 1st draft - 10-25%**
This forces you to tighten sentences, remove tangents, and strengthen what remains.
### What to Cut
#### 1. Adverbs (-ly words)
**Before:** "He walked very slowly across the room."
**After:** "He shuffled across the room."
**Analysis:** "Shuffled" conveys slow walking more precisely than "walked very slowly."
**Before:** "The data clearly shows that..."
**After:** "The data shows that..."
**Analysis:** If the data shows it, it's already clear. "Clearly" adds nothing.
**Before:** "She was extremely tired after the race."
**After:** "She was exhausted after the race."
**Analysis:** "Exhausted" is stronger than "extremely tired."
#### 2. Qualifiers
**Before:** "This is somewhat concerning for our project."
**After:** "This is concerning for our project."
**Analysis:** Either it's concerning or it isn't. "Somewhat" hedges unnecessarily.
**Before:** "The results were quite impressive."
**After:** "The results were impressive."
**Analysis:** "Quite" dilutes impact.
**Qualifier words to eliminate:**
- very, really, quite, rather, somewhat, fairly
- kind of, sort of, type of
- just, actually, basically, essentially
#### 3. Passive Voice
**Before:** "The report was written by the committee."
**After:** "The committee wrote the report."
**Analysis:** Active voice is direct and clear. Actors act.
**Before:** "Mistakes were made in the analysis."
**After:** "We made mistakes in the analysis."
**Analysis:** Passive voice obscures responsibility. Active voice is honest.
**Before:** "The system is being upgraded by our team."
**After:** "Our team is upgrading the system."
**Analysis:** Active voice creates energy and clarity.
#### 4. Weak Verbs
**Before:** "There are three reasons why this is important."
**After:** "Three reasons make this important."
**Analysis:** "Are" is weak. Find the real verb.
**Before:** "The storm had an impact on our schedule."
**After:** "The storm delayed our schedule."
**Analysis:** "Had an impact on" is bureaucratic. "Delayed" is direct.
**Before:** "We will make a decision about the proposal."
**After:** "We will decide about the proposal."
**Analysis:** "Make a decision" → "decide"
#### 5. Throat-Clearing
**Before:** "It should be noted that there are several factors to consider in this situation."
**After:** "We must consider several factors."
**Analysis:** Cut the wind-up, get to the point.
**Before:** "In my personal opinion, I believe that..."
**After:** "I believe that..."
**Analysis:** All opinions are personal. All beliefs are "I believe."
**Before:** "At this point in time, we are currently experiencing..."
**After:** "We are experiencing..."
**Analysis:** "At this point in time" and "currently" both mean "now."
### Complete Example: Pass 1
**Before (86 words):**
"In my opinion, the project that we have been working on is extremely important and really deserves to be given our full attention. There are several factors that need to be very carefully considered. The budget was exceeded by nearly 20%, which is quite concerning. Actually, this kind of overrun has been seen before in similar projects. It is basically essential that we really focus on getting things back on track as quickly as possible."
**After (44 words - 49% reduction):**
"This project is important and deserves our full attention. We must consider several factors. The budget exceeded 20% - concerning. Similar projects show this pattern. We must get back on track quickly."
**What Changed:**
- Removed: "In my opinion," "that we have been working on," "extremely," "really," "kind of," "basically," "actually," "as quickly as possible"
- Changed passive to active: "was exceeded by" → "exceeded"
- Replaced weak constructions: "There are several factors that need to be considered" → "We must consider several factors"
- Simplified: "essential that we really focus on getting things" → "must get"
---
## Pass 2: Reduce Cognitive Load (Pinker)
### Goal
Make reading effortless. Reduce the mental work required to parse your sentences. Eliminate temporary ambiguities and improve coherence.
### Techniques
#### 1. Fix Garden-Path Sentences
Garden-path sentences temporarily mislead readers, forcing them to backtrack and reparse.
**Garden-path:** "The horse raced past the barn fell."
**Clear:** "The horse that was raced past the barn fell."
**Better:** "The horse fell after being raced past the barn."
**Analysis:** First version tricks readers into parsing "raced" as the main verb, forcing reparse when they hit "fell."
**Garden-path:** "When Mary started to clean the kitchen smelled wonderful."
**Clear:** "The kitchen smelled wonderful when Mary started to clean."
**Analysis:** First version makes readers think Mary is cleaning the kitchen, then forces reinterpretation when they hit "smelled."
**Garden-path:** "The students who the teacher had criticized harshly filed complaints."
**Clear:** "The students filed complaints. The teacher had criticized them harshly."
**Analysis:** Simplified to two sentences - easier to process.
#### 2. Signal Topic Early
Lead with what the sentence is about. Don't bury the topic.
**Buried topic:** "In the report that was submitted yesterday by the research team, several critical issues were identified."
**Topic early:** "The research team identified several critical issues in yesterday's report."
**Analysis:** "Research team" is the topic - lead with it.
**Buried topic:** "Among the many factors contributing to the project's success, effective communication stands out."
**Topic early:** "Effective communication contributed most to the project's success."
**Analysis:** Get to "effective communication" immediately.
#### 3. Keep Subject-Verb-Object Close
Don't insert long clauses between key sentence elements.
**Distant:** "The report that the committee spent three months preparing based on extensive research and stakeholder feedback finally arrived yesterday."
**Close:** "The report finally arrived yesterday. The committee spent three months preparing it, basing it on extensive research and stakeholder feedback."
**Analysis:** Breaking into two sentences keeps elements close.
**Distant:** "The developer who had been working on the feature for weeks despite numerous setbacks completed it."
**Close:** "The developer completed the feature. She had worked on it for weeks despite setbacks."
**Analysis:** Subject-verb separation causes cognitive load.
#### 4. Ensure Pronoun Clarity
Make sure every pronoun has one clear antecedent.
**Ambiguous:** "John told Mark that he needed to revise his proposal."
**Clear:** "John told Mark, 'You need to revise your proposal.'"
**Or:** "John told Mark to revise the proposal."
**Analysis:** "He" and "his" could refer to either John or Mark.
**Ambiguous:** "The team reviewed the code and the documentation. It had several errors."
**Clear:** "The team reviewed the code and the documentation. The code had several errors."
**Analysis:** "It" is ambiguous - what had errors?
#### 5. Map Topic Chains
Ensure each sentence connects to the previous one. Readers follow topics through a piece.
**Broken chain:**
"Mozart was a prolific composer. Austria produced many famous musicians. The classical period saw great innovation."
**Coherent chain:**
"Mozart was a prolific composer. His works span every genre of his time. The operas, particularly, show his genius."
**Analysis:** Second version maintains topic: Mozart → His works → The operas
### Complete Example: Pass 2
**Before (after Pass 1):**
"This project is important and deserves our full attention. We must consider several factors. The budget exceeded 20% - concerning. Similar projects show this pattern. We must get back on track quickly."
**After Pass 2 (improved readability):**
"This project deserves our full attention. Three factors require consideration: budget, timeline, and quality. Our budget exceeded 20% - a concerning pattern shown in similar projects. We must get back on track."
**What Changed:**
- Topic signaling: Made each sentence topic clear
- Concrete details: "Three factors" more specific than "several"
- Coherence: Connected "budget" across sentences
- Combined last two sentences for better flow
---
## Pass 3: Improve Rhythm (Clark)
### Goal
Create engaging flow through sentence variety. Add gold-coin moments. End sentences with strong words.
### Techniques
#### 1. Vary Sentence Length
Monotonous rhythm disengages readers. Mix short, medium, and long sentences.
**Monotonous (all ~15 words):**
"The team completed the project on schedule. The results exceeded our expectations significantly. We learned valuable lessons from the experience. Our clients expressed satisfaction with the outcome."
**Varied:**
"The team completed the project on schedule. The results exceeded our expectations. We learned valuable lessons - about collaboration, about time management, about quality. Our clients were delighted."
**Analysis:** Added a very short sentence ("The results exceeded our expectations"), a longer complex sentence, and ended with impact.
#### 2. Power of the Short Sentence
After several longer sentences, a short one creates emphasis.
**Example:**
"We reviewed the data carefully, analyzing trends over the past five years and comparing our performance to industry benchmarks. We consulted experts. We ran simulations. The conclusion was inescapable: we needed to pivot our strategy immediately."
**Analysis:** "We consulted experts. We ran simulations." - short sentences build momentum toward the conclusion.
#### 3. End Sentences with Strong Words
The last word carries weight.
**Weak ending:** "This is something we should think about carefully."
**Strong ending:** "This demands careful thought."
**Analysis:** Ends with the noun "thought" (strong) vs. adverb "carefully" (weak).
**Weak ending:** "The storm was approaching rapidly."
**Strong ending:** "The storm approached."
**Analysis:** "Approached" is stronger than "rapidly."
**Weak ending:** "Revenue increased significantly last quarter."
**Strong ending:** "Last quarter, revenue soared."
**Analysis:** "Soared" is more vivid than "increased significantly."
#### 4. Gold-Coin Moments
Place rewards throughout to keep readers engaged.
**Gold coins include:**
- Surprising facts
- Good quotes
- Vivid examples
- Humor
- Beautiful metaphors
- Fresh insights
- Anecdotes
- Intriguing details
**Strategy:** Don't front-load all your best material. Distribute it evenly, especially in the middle section.
**Example:**
Instead of: [All good examples in opening paragraph]
Better: Opening example → mid-section surprising fact → closing anecdote
#### 5. Ladder of Abstraction
Move between concrete and general: concrete → general → concrete
**Example:**
"She drove a battered 2015 Subaru Outback [concrete], one of those reliable station wagons that just keep going [general]. Her particular car had 180,000 miles and a dent in the rear bumper shaped like Texas [concrete]."
### Complete Example: Pass 3
**Before (after Pass 2):**
"This project deserves our full attention. Three factors require consideration: budget, timeline, and quality. Our budget exceeded 20% - a concerning pattern shown in similar projects. We must get back on track."
**After Pass 3 (improved rhythm):**
"This project deserves our full attention. Why? Three factors: budget, timeline, and quality. Our budget exceeded 20%. Similar projects show this pattern. The Acme redesign? Over budget. The Phoenix rollout? Same story. We must get back on track immediately."
**What Changed:**
- Added very short sentence: "Why?"
- Added concrete examples (gold coins): "Acme redesign" and "Phoenix rollout"
- Varied sentence length deliberately
- Ended with strong word: "immediately"
- Created rhythm: medium, short, medium, short, short, short, medium
---
## Complete Three-Pass Example
**Original (250 words):**
"It has come to our attention that there are several significant issues that need to be addressed regarding the software development project that our team has been working on for the past several months. The project timeline has been considerably extended beyond what was originally planned, and we are currently experiencing budget overruns that are quite substantial and concerning. In my personal opinion, based on my experience with similar projects, I really think that we need to very carefully reconsider our approach and make some important changes to how we're managing things going forward. There are basically three main areas where improvements could potentially be made. First of all, the communication between the various teams involved in the project has been somewhat lacking and could definitely be improved significantly. Secondly, the scope of the project seems to have expanded quite a bit from what was initially agreed upon, which has obviously had an impact on both our timeline and our budget. Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly in my view, we haven't been doing a very good job of tracking our progress and identifying problems early enough to actually do something about them before they become major issues. If we want to successfully complete this project and deliver results that meet our stakeholders' expectations, we really need to take immediate action to address these concerns and get things back on track."
**After Pass 1 - Cut Clutter (155 words, 38% reduction):**
"Several significant issues need attention regarding our software development project. The timeline extended beyond our plan, and budget overruns are substantial. We must reconsider our approach and change how we manage the project. Three areas need improvement. First, communication between teams is lacking. Second, scope expanded from our initial agreement, impacting timeline and budget. Third, we haven't tracked progress effectively or identified problems early. We need to complete this project successfully and deliver results that meet stakeholder expectations. We must take immediate action."
**After Pass 2 - Reduce Cognitive Load (145 words):**
"Our software development project faces significant issues. The timeline extended beyond plan. Budget overruns are substantial. We must change our approach. Three areas need improvement. First, team communication is lacking. Teams don't share updates or coordinate effectively. Second, scope expanded from our initial agreement. New features keep appearing. Third, we fail to track progress. Problems grow until they're crises. Our stakeholders expect results. We must act now. How? Three steps: establish daily standups, freeze scope immediately, and implement weekly progress tracking. Other teams tried this. The Phoenix project recovered using these exact steps. They delivered on time and 5% under budget. We can too."
**After Pass 3 - Improve Rhythm (142 words):**
"Our software development project is failing. The timeline? Blown. The budget? 30% over. We must change our approach. Why? Three problems. First, teams don't communicate. Updates are rare. Coordination is nonexistent. Second, scope keeps expanding. New features appear weekly. No one says no. Third, we don't track progress. Small problems become crises. How do we fix this? Three steps: daily standups, frozen scope, and weekly tracking. Sound simple? It is. Sound effective? Ask the Phoenix team. They faced the same problems last year - 25% over budget, three months late. They implemented these three steps. Result? Delivered on time, 5% under budget. We can do this."
**Summary:**
- Words: 250 → 142 (43% reduction)
- Reading ease: Improved significantly
- Sentence variety: Added short punchy sentences
- Impact: Message is now clearer, more engaging, and flows better
**Note:** For message stickiness enhancement (SUCCESs model), see resources/success-model.md

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# McPhee's Structural Diagramming
## Table of Contents
- [Workflow](#workflow) - Step-by-step checklist for structure planning
- [Philosophy](#philosophy) - Core principles of structural thinking
- [Why Structure Matters](#why-structure-matters) - Impact of good vs. bad structure
- [The Diagramming Method](#the-diagramming-method) - McPhee's approach
- [Structure Types](#structure-types) - 8 structural patterns with examples
- [Creating Your Own Structure Diagram](#creating-your-own-structure-diagram) - Five-step process
- [Gold-Coin Placement Strategy](#gold-coin-placement-strategy) - How to reward readers
- [Structure Selection Criteria](#structure-selection-criteria) - Matching structure to material
## Workflow
Copy this checklist and track your progress:
```
Structure Planning:
- [ ] Step 1: Analyze material thoroughly
- [ ] Step 2: Explore structure options
- [ ] Step 3: Select and refine structure
```
**Before starting:** Review [Philosophy](#philosophy) and [Why Structure Matters](#why-structure-matters) to understand the principles.
**IMPORTANT:** For analysis steps, output findings to analysis files in the current directory to ensure thorough coverage of all material. These analysis files remain in the project for your review.
**Step 1: Analyze material thoroughly**
Gather and understand all material completely. Create analysis file `writer-structure-material-analysis.md` and output: ALL key points/anecdotes/data/quotes/examples, themes and patterns, what's most important vs supporting detail, natural organizing principle (time, space, importance, comparison), and reader considerations (busy? engaged? unfamiliar? expert?). See [Step 1: Gather Your Material](#step-1-gather-your-material) for detailed guidance.
**Step 2: Explore structure options**
Read the analysis file. Review all [8 Structure Types](#structure-types) with examples. Create analysis file `writer-structure-options.md` and sketch 3 different structure options, each with: type, diagram sketch, pros/cons, and how material fits. Test each option against [Structure Selection Criteria](#structure-selection-criteria). See [Step 3: Sketch 3 Options](#step-3-sketch-3-options) for detailed process.
**Step 3: Select and refine structure**
Read the options file. Compare all three options and select the structure that best serves the material. Map key moments and transitions. Identify where to place [gold-coin moments](#gold-coin-placement-strategy) throughout (especially middle). Annotate structure diagram with pacing and transition notes. Verify structure supports your through-line (promise → delivery → resonance). Test: Does this feel inevitable or forced? Create final annotated structure diagram for user to review before drafting. See [Step 4: Test Each Structure](#step-4-test-each-structure) and [Step 5: Select and Refine](#step-5-select-and-refine) for detailed guidance.
**How to know if your structure is working:**
If structure is working: Readers won't notice it, they'll just experience flow, they'll feel the piece is "well-organized", they'll reach the end satisfied.
If structure isn't working: Readers will feel lost, they'll wonder "where is this going?", they'll experience it as disorganized, they might abandon before the end.
---
## Philosophy
"Structure is as visible as someone's bones" - readers shouldn't notice it, but it carries everything.
Structure must:
- Arise from within the material (not imposed upon it)
- Serve the content (not the other way around)
- Be invisible to readers (they experience flow, not architecture)
- Be planned before drafting (blueprint first, build second)
## Why Structure Matters
Good structure:
- Carries readers effortlessly through your piece
- Creates natural momentum
- Supports your argument or narrative
- Places key moments strategically
- Makes complex material digestible
Bad structure (or no structure):
- Readers get lost
- Momentum stalls
- Key points get buried
- Material feels random or chaotic
## The Diagramming Method
**McPhee's Approach:**
1. Understand your material completely first
2. Identify the natural organizing principle
3. Sketch 3 different structural options
4. Select the one that best serves the content
5. Annotate with key moments and transitions
**From Mrs. McKee's Teaching:**
"Can be anything from Roman numerals I, II, III to a looping doodle with guiding arrows and stick figures"
The diagram is for you - it doesn't need to be beautiful, just functional.
---
## Structure Types
### 1. List Structure
**Description:** Simplest structure - one point after another in sequence.
**When to Use:**
- Multiple independent points
- How-to guides
- Tips or techniques
- When order doesn't matter much
**Diagram:**
```
1. Point A
2. Point B
3. Point C
4. Point D
```
**Example Use Case:**
"5 Ways to Improve Your Writing"
- Each technique is independent
- Order is somewhat arbitrary
- Readers can skip around
**Strength:** Simple, clear, easy to follow
**Weakness:** Can feel mechanical, lacks narrative drive
---
### 2. Chronological Structure
**Description:** Time-based progression - what happened when.
**When to Use:**
- Narratives
- Historical accounts
- Process descriptions
- Development over time
**Diagram:**
```
Day 1 → Day 2 → Day 3 → Day 4 → Day 5
(or)
2010 → 2015 → 2020 → 2025
```
**Example Use Case:**
"How We Built the Product"
- Started with idea (2020)
- First prototype (2021)
- Beta launch (2022)
- Full release (2023)
- Today's state (2024)
**Strength:** Natural, easy to follow, creates narrative
**Weakness:** Can be predictable
---
### 3. Circular/Cyclical Structure
**Description:** Start in the middle of action, flash back to beginning, return to where you started.
**When to Use:**
- Want to hook readers immediately with dramatic moment
- Need to provide background context
- Have a journey or trip to describe
- Want to create momentum while providing necessary backstory
**Diagram:**
```
Start: Day 5 (action/drama)
Flash back: Day 1 (context/setup)
Continue: Day 2, 3, 4 (build-up)
Return: Day 5 (resolution)
Conclusion: Day 6+ (aftermath)
```
**Example Use Case:**
"The Product Launch"
- Open with launch day crisis
- Flash back to how we got here
- Build toward launch day
- Return to crisis and resolution
**McPhee Example:**
Started narrative on day 5 of a trip, continued to day 9, then flashed back to day 1 (told in past tense), back to day 5.
**Strength:** Immediate engagement, maintains momentum while providing context
**Weakness:** Requires careful handling of time shifts
---
### 4. Dual Profile Structure
**Description:** Main subject in center, perspectives/aspects radiating outward.
**When to Use:**
- Character profiles
- Examining one topic from multiple angles
- Multiple perspectives on same subject
- Comprehensive view of complex person/thing
**Diagram:**
```
Perspective A
|
Perspective D - X - Perspective B
|
Perspective C
X = central subject (person, topic, idea)
A,B,C,D = different viewpoints or aspects
```
**Example Use Case:**
"Profile of a CEO"
- X = The CEO
- A = Employees' perspective
- B = Board members' view
- C = Customers' experience
- D = Competitors' assessment
**Strength:** Comprehensive, multi-dimensional view
**Weakness:** Can feel fragmented if not well-executed
---
### 5. Triple Profile Structure
**Description:** Three connected dual profiles sharing a common protagonist.
**When to Use:**
- Complex character interacting with multiple contexts
- Three distinct settings or situations
- Want to show range and depth
**Diagram:**
```
Profile 1 Profile 2 Profile 3
(X-A) ←→ (X-B) ←→ (X-C)
↓ ↓ ↓
Common protagonist X throughout
```
**McPhee Example:**
"Encounters with the Archdruid" - three profiles featuring Dave Brouwer (climber, environmentalist) as common protagonist, with three different foils.
**Example Use Case:**
"A Day in Three Lives: The Remote Worker"
- Profile 1: Morning (worker-family interaction)
- Profile 2: Midday (worker-colleagues interaction)
- Profile 3: Evening (worker-client interaction)
- X (worker) is constant, contexts change
**Strength:** Shows subject in multiple dimensions
**Weakness:** Complex to execute, requires strong unifying thread
---
### 6. Pyramid Structure (Inverted Pyramid)
**Description:** Most important information first, descending order of importance.
**When to Use:**
- News writing
- Executive summaries
- Busy readers who might not finish
- Want to frontload key information
**Diagram:**
```
████████████ Most important
██████████ Very important
████████ Important
██████ Supporting
████ Details
██ Background
```
**Example Use Case:**
"Quarterly Results Announcement"
- Lead: Revenue up 30%, profit doubled
- Key metrics and comparisons
- Contributing factors
- Market context
- Detailed breakdowns
- Historical comparisons
**Strength:** Ensures readers get key information even if they don't finish
**Weakness:** Can feel front-loaded, lacks narrative tension
---
### 7. Parallel Narratives
**Description:** Multiple storylines running simultaneously, interwoven.
**When to Use:**
- Comparing/contrasting
- Multiple threads that connect
- Want to show simultaneity
- Complex, multi-faceted topics
**Diagram:**
```
Thread A: ────•────•────•────•
Thread B: ──•────•────•────•──
Thread C: •────•────•────•────•
(Threads alternate or intersect)
```
**Example Use Case:**
"Three Teams Building the Same Product"
- Thread A: Silicon Valley startup
- Thread B: Corporate enterprise team
- Thread C: Open-source community
- Alternate between threads, showing parallel progress
**Strength:** Shows multiple perspectives, creates richness
**Weakness:** Can confuse readers if not clearly signaled
---
### 8. Other McPhee Diagrams
**Horizontal Line with Loops:**
```
────○────○────────○──○─────
↓ ↓ ↓ ↓
tangent tangent tangent
```
Main storyline with tangents above and below representing digressions.
**Circle with Radiating Lines:**
```
↗ ↑ ↖
→ ● ← (center point)
↙ ↓ ↘
```
Central moment with different narrative pathways shooting out.
**Custom Diagrams:**
McPhee creates completely idiosyncratic diagrams that "look like the late-stage wall sketches of a hermit stuck in a cave" - but they work for the specific piece.
---
## Creating Your Own Structure Diagram
### Step 1: Gather Your Material
Before diagramming:
- Research completely
- Take all notes
- Understand all aspects
- Know more than you'll use
**McPhee's principle:** You must know your material inside out before you can structure it.
### Step 2: Identify the Organizing Principle
Ask:
- What is this piece really about? (core idea)
- What's the natural order? (time, space, importance, causality)
- What does the reader need to know when?
- Where's the drama or tension?
- What's the through-line?
Common organizing principles:
- **Chronological:** When things happened
- **Spatial:** Where things are
- **Causal:** What led to what
- **Importance:** Most to least significant
- **Comparison:** Similarities and differences
- **Problem-solution:** Issue then resolution
- **Question-answer:** Inquiry then discovery
### Step 3: Sketch 3 Options
**Why 3?**
- Forces you to think beyond the obvious
- Lets you compare approaches
- Often the second or third option is best
- Shows you what doesn't work
**For each option:**
1. Draw the basic structure (list, circle, timeline, etc.)
2. Place your major points/moments
3. Map the flow/progression
4. Note transitions
5. Annotate with gold-coin placement (see below)
### Step 4: Test Each Structure
Ask:
- Does it serve the material naturally?
- Will readers follow easily?
- Does it create appropriate momentum?
- Are key moments well-placed?
- Does it feel inevitable or forced?
### Step 5: Select and Refine
Choose the structure that:
- Best serves the content
- Creates natural flow
- Places key moments strategically
- Feels right intuitively
Then refine:
- Adjust proportions (how much space for each section)
- Fine-tune transitions
- Map gold-coin placement
- Annotate key moments
---
## Gold-Coin Placement Strategy
Once you have your structure, map where you'll place rewards for readers.
### What Are Gold Coins?
Roy Peter Clark's metaphor: rewards that keep readers moving forward.
Gold coins include:
- Surprising facts
- Vivid anecdotes
- Good quotes
- Humor
- Beautiful metaphors
- Insights
- Examples
- Intriguing details
### Placement Strategy
**Beginning:** Open with a gold coin (hook readers)
**Middle:** Most important! Place gold coins throughout to combat the "saggy middle"
**End:** Strong gold coin for satisfying conclusion
**Avoid:** Front-loading all your best material in the opening
### Example Placement on Structure
```
List Structure with Gold Coins:
Introduction [Gold coin: surprising fact]
Point 1 [Technique]
Point 2 [Technique] [Gold coin: vivid example]
Point 3 [Technique]
Point 4 [Technique] [Gold coin: humor or insight]
Point 5 [Technique]
Conclusion [Gold coin: memorable anecdote]
```
Distribute evenly - don't cluster them all in one section.
---
## Structure Selection Criteria
### Match Structure to Material
| Material Type | Best Structure |
|--------------|----------------|
| Personal narrative | Chronological or Circular |
| Profile/character piece | Dual/Triple Profile |
| How-to guide | List |
| News/announcement | Pyramid |
| Complex multi-threaded story | Parallel Narratives |
| Journey/trip | Circular (start mid-journey) |
| Historical account | Chronological |
| Argument/persuasion | Problem-solution or Pyramid |
| Comparison piece | Parallel Narratives |
### Consider Your Readers
- **Busy readers:** Pyramid (frontload key info)
- **Engaged readers:** Circular or Parallel (build complexity)
- **Unfamiliar with topic:** Chronological (easy to follow)
- **Expert readers:** Dual/Triple Profile (sophisticated)

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# SUCCESs Model: Making Messages Stick
## Table of Contents
- [Workflow](#workflow) - Step-by-step stickiness enhancement checklist
- [The Heath Brothers' Framework](#the-heath-brothers-framework) - Overview and philosophy
- [S - Simple](#s---simple) - Strip to core essence
- [U - Unexpected](#u---unexpected) - Get and keep attention
- [C - Concrete](#c---concrete) - Make it visualizable
- [C - Credible](#c---credible) - Make people believe
- [E - Emotional](#e---emotional) - Make people care
- [S - Stories](#s---stories) - Use narrative for mental simulation
- [Stickiness Scorecard](#stickiness-scorecard) - Rate your message (0-18 points)
- [Complete Example](#complete-example) - Before/after demonstration
## Workflow
Copy this checklist and track your progress:
```
Stickiness Enhancement:
- [ ] Step 1: Analyze against SUCCESs framework
- [ ] Step 2: Improve weak principles
- [ ] Step 3: Score and refine
```
**Before starting:** Review [The Heath Brothers' Framework](#the-heath-brothers-framework) to understand the six principles and [Complete Example](#complete-example) to see transformation from weak to sticky message.
**IMPORTANT:** Analyze the ENTIRE document first and output findings to an analysis file in the current directory, then read that file to make improvements. This ensures complete coverage. The analysis file remains in the project for your review.
**Step 1: Analyze against SUCCESs framework**
Read ENTIRE draft. Create analysis file `writer-stickiness-analysis.md` assessing the entire document against all 6 SUCCESs principles: **Simple** (identify core message ≤12 words, list competing messages, rate 0-3), **Unexpected** (identify surprise/curiosity gaps, note where expectations could be violated, rate 0-3), **Concrete** (list visualizable details, identify abstract sections needing examples, rate 0-3), **Credible** (identify credibility sources like statistics/testability/authority, note unsupported claims, rate 0-3), **Emotional** (identify emotional connections and personal benefits, note where motivation could be strengthened, rate 0-3), **Stories** (identify story/human elements, note opportunities to add narrative, rate 0-3). Calculate total current stickiness score out of 18. See each principle's section ([S - Simple](#s---simple), [U - Unexpected](#u---unexpected), [C - Concrete](#c---concrete), [C - Credible](#c---credible), [E - Emotional](#e---emotional), [S - Stories](#s---stories)) for detailed guidance.
**Step 2: Improve weak principles**
Read analysis file. Work through ENTIRE draft making improvements for each weak principle: Simple (refine core message to ≤12 words), Unexpected (add surprise or curiosity gaps), Concrete (add visualizable details and specific examples), Credible (add statistics, testability, authority, or vivid details), Emotional (strengthen personal benefits and emotional connections), Stories (add narrative or human elements). See each principle's section for specific techniques and examples.
**Step 3: Score and refine**
Score final result using [Stickiness Scorecard](#stickiness-scorecard). Aim for 12+/18 for good stickiness, 15+/18 for excellent. If score is below 12, identify the weakest 2 principles and do another improvement pass focusing on those. See [Complete Example](#complete-example) for before/after transformation showing how to apply multiple principles together.
---
## The Heath Brothers' Framework
From "Made to Stick" by Chip and Dan Heath - a systematic approach to creating memorable messages based on research into why some ideas stick and others fade.
### The Six Principles
**SUCCESs:**
- **S**imple
- **U**nexpected
- **C**oncrete
- **C**redible
- **E**motional
- **S**tories
Apply these six principles, and your message will stick in readers' memories.
---
## S - Simple
### Principle
Strip your message to its core essence. Find the single most important idea. Proverbs are the ultimate model of simplicity.
### Why It Works
Simplicity forces priority. If everything is important, nothing is important. One core idea sticks better than five competing ideas.
### How to Apply
**Find the Core:**
- What's the single most important thing?
- If readers forget everything else, what must they remember?
- Can you say it in one sentence?
- Can you say it in 12 words or less?
**The Commander's Intent:**
Military concept - the single essential goal. Everything else is tactics, but this is the mission.
Example: "Take the hill" vs. "Execute a coordinated flanking maneuver utilizing suppressive fire while maintaining radio silence and..."
### Examples
**The Golden Rule:**
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
- Profound principle
- Twelve words
- Lifetime of learning
- Universal application
**Southwest Airlines:**
"We are THE low-cost airline."
- Core strategy in six words
- Every decision tested against this
- Simple doesn't mean simplistic
**Bad Example:**
"Our strategic initiative focuses on leveraging synergies between departments to optimize resource utilization while enhancing stakeholder value through integrated solutions."
- What's the core?
- Too many ideas
- Nothing sticks
**Better:**
"Work together. Save money. Deliver value."
- Three simple ideas
- Clear and memorable
- Actionable
### Application Questions
- [ ] Can I state my core message in 12 words or less?
- [ ] Is this the single most important idea?
- [ ] Have I stripped away everything non-essential?
- [ ] Is it simple without being simplistic?
- [ ] Does it guide decision-making like commander's intent?
### Common Mistakes
❌ Confusing simple with simplistic
❌ Including too many core ideas
❌ Using jargon or corporate-speak
❌ Burying the core in complex language
❌ Hedging with qualifiers
---
## U - Unexpected
### Principle
Get attention through surprise. Keep attention through interest. Violate expectations, then create curiosity gaps.
### Why It Works
**Surprise:** Breaks patterns, demands attention
**Interest:** Curiosity gaps make people want to close the loop
### How to Apply
**Get Attention (Surprise):**
1. Identify readers' schema (what they expect)
2. Violate that schema
3. Do it early (first paragraph ideal)
**Keep Attention (Curiosity):**
1. Open a loop (ask a question, create mystery)
2. Make them curious about the answer
3. Close the loop (but not too quickly)
### Schema Violation Examples
**Expected:** "Budget your money carefully."
**Unexpected:** "You're wasting $4,000 a year. On coffee."
- Violates expectation with specific, surprising claim
- Creates curiosity: "How am I wasting $4,000?"
**Expected:** "Regular exercise is healthy."
**Unexpected:** "Exercise is more effective than medication for depression."
- Counter-intuitive claim
- Demands attention
- Creates curiosity about evidence
### Curiosity Gap Technique
**The Gap:**
People feel a need to close information gaps. If you create a gap between what they know and what they want to know, they'll keep reading.
**Example:**
"Three mistakes kill most startups. You're probably making at least one right now."
- Gap: What are the three mistakes?
- Curiosity: Am I making them?
- They must keep reading to close the gap
**Bad Example:**
"This article discusses three common startup mistakes."
- No surprise
- No curiosity
- No urgency to keep reading
### Real-World Example: CSPI Popcorn Campaign
**The Message:**
"A medium popcorn at a movie theater contains more artery-clogging fat than a bacon-and-eggs breakfast, a Big Mac and fries for lunch, and a steak dinner with all the trimmings - combined!"
**Why It Worked:**
- **Unexpected:** Movie popcorn is WORSE than all that?
- **Concrete:** Specific foods people recognize
- **Surprising:** Violates schema (popcorn seems harmless)
- Result: Massive media coverage, industry change
### Application Questions
- [ ] What does my audience expect? How can I violate that?
- [ ] Where's the surprise in my message?
- [ ] Have I created a curiosity gap early?
- [ ] Do readers want to know what happens next?
- [ ] Is the surprise relevant (not just random)?
### Common Mistakes
❌ Being random instead of surprising (unrelated weirdness)
❌ Violating schema but not delivering substance
❌ Opening curiosity gaps but never closing them
❌ Being predictable and formulaic
❌ Surprise without connection to core message
---
## C - Concrete
### Principle
Use sensory, tangible details. Make it visualizable. Avoid abstractions. Ground everything in physical reality.
### Why It Works
Brains think in images, not abstractions. "High quality" is abstract. "Silk-smooth surface, zero scratches" is concrete - you can picture it and feel it.
### How to Apply
**Make It Sensory:**
- What does it look like?
- What does it sound like?
- What does it feel like?
- What does it smell like?
- What does it taste like?
**Use Specific Examples:**
- Not "vehicle" → "2015 Subaru Outback"
- Not "experienced problems" → "crashed every morning at 9 AM"
- Not "many users" → "847 out of 1,162 users"
**The Ladder of Abstraction:**
Move from abstract to concrete:
- Abstract: "Transportation"
- General: "Vehicle"
- Mid-level: "Car"
- Specific: "Station wagon"
- Concrete: "Battered 2015 Subaru Outback with 180,000 miles"
### Examples
**Abstract:**
"The project experienced quality issues that impacted user satisfaction."
- What were the issues?
- Can't visualize it
- Doesn't stick
**Concrete:**
"The dashboard crashed every morning at 9 AM when 200+ users logged in simultaneously. Users saw a spinning wheel for 3-5 minutes. Support tickets tripled."
- Specific time: 9 AM
- Specific number: 200+ users
- Specific symptom: spinning wheel
- Specific duration: 3-5 minutes
- Specific impact: tickets tripled
- Can visualize every detail
**Abstract:**
"We need to improve our communication processes."
- What does this mean in practice?
- Too vague to act on
**Concrete:**
"We'll do daily 10-minute standups at 9 AM. Everyone shares three things: what they did yesterday, what they're doing today, and what's blocking them."
- Specific format: 10-minute standups
- Specific time: 9 AM
- Specific structure: three things
- Visualizable: can picture the meeting
### Real-World Example: Save the Children
**Mass Statistics (Doesn't Work):**
"Millions of children in Africa are starving."
- Too big to grasp
- Can't visualize millions
- Abstract suffering
**Individual Story (Works):**
"This is Rokia. She's seven years old. She lives in Mali. Her family is very poor. Rokia is desperately poor and faces a threat of severe hunger or even starvation. Her life will be changed for the better as a result of your financial gift."
- One specific child
- Specific name: Rokia
- Specific age: seven
- Specific place: Mali
- Can visualize her
- Can imagine helping her
**Result:** Individual stories generate more donations than statistics about millions.
**Mother Teresa:** "If I look at the mass, I will never act. If I look at the one, I will."
### Application Questions
- [ ] Can readers visualize this?
- [ ] Have I used specific sensory details?
- [ ] Am I showing one individual rather than masses?
- [ ] Are numbers human-scale (not billions)?
- [ ] Can I replace abstract words with concrete ones?
### Common Mistakes
❌ Using abstract language ("improve quality")
❌ Talking about masses instead of individuals
❌ Using jargon instead of plain language
❌ Missing sensory details
❌ Leaving readers unable to picture it
---
## C - Credible
### Principle
Make people believe you. Use statistics (but human-scale), testability ("try it yourself"), authority, anti-authority, or vivid details that ring true.
### Why It Works
People won't act on messages they don't believe. Credibility converts skeptics.
### Types of Credibility
#### 1. Authority
**External Authority:**
- Experts
- Celebrities
- Authorities in the field
- Research institutions
**Example:**
"According to a Stanford study..." or "Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman found..."
#### 2. Anti-Authority
**Personal Experience:**
Sometimes everyday people are more credible than experts.
**Example:**
"I tried this for 90 days. Here's what happened..." beats "Experts say this works."
#### 3. Statistics (Human-Scale)
**The Problem with Big Numbers:**
"Billions spent" is too big to grasp.
**Human-Scale Statistics:**
Make numbers relatable.
**Examples:**
- Not: "The universe is 93 billion light-years across"
- Better: "If Earth were a golf ball, the nearest star would be 50,000 miles away"
- Not: "We saved 1 million hours of productivity"
- Better: "We saved each employee 30 minutes a day - enough to leave work early every Friday"
#### 4. Testability
**"Try It Yourself":**
Most powerful credibility.
**Example:**
"Don't believe me? Count how many times the letter 'e' appears in this paragraph. Then try writing a paragraph without using 'e'. You'll see how hard it is."
- Reader can verify immediately
- No need to trust authority
- Personal experience creates belief
#### 5. Vivid Details
**Details That Ring True:**
Specific, concrete details create credibility even without statistics.
**Example:**
"The old mechanic had grease under his fingernails that no amount of washing would remove, and he smelled like motor oil and coffee."
- Specific details (grease, fingernails, smell)
- Rings true to anyone who's met a mechanic
- No statistics needed
### The Sinatra Test
"If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere."
If you pass the toughest test, you must be good.
**Examples:**
- Security system used by Fort Knox
- Accounting firm that audits the Fed
- Consultant hired by Google
If they trust you, everyone should.
### Application Questions
- [ ] Why should readers believe this?
- [ ] Can I add a statistic (human-scale)?
- [ ] Can readers test this themselves?
- [ ] Do I have authority or compelling anti-authority?
- [ ] Have I included vivid details that ring true?
- [ ] Does it pass a Sinatra Test?
### Common Mistakes
❌ Using statistics too big to grasp (billions, trillions)
❌ Relying only on authority without evidence
❌ Making claims without support
❌ Using vague language instead of specific details
❌ Missing the "try it yourself" opportunity
---
## E - Emotional
### Principle
Make people care. Appeal to identity, self-interest, or values. Focus on individuals, not masses.
### Why It Works
People act on emotions, then justify with logic. If they don't care, they won't act, no matter how logical your argument.
### How to Make Them Care
#### 1. Focus on Individuals, Not Masses
**Mother Teresa's Principle:**
"If I look at the mass, I will never act. If I look at the one, I will."
**Example:**
- Statistics: "2 million refugees displaced"
- Individual: "Meet Ahmed. He's 9. He walked 200 miles to safety, carrying his little sister."
Which makes you care more?
#### 2. Appeal to Identity
**"This is who you are":**
Connect your message to readers' self-image.
**Examples:**
- To developers: "You care about code quality. You take pride in your work."
- To parents: "You want the best for your children."
- To professionals: "You're not the kind of person who settles for mediocre."
#### 3. Appeal to Self-Interest
**"Here's what's in it for you":**
Show direct personal benefit.
**Examples:**
- "Save 30 minutes every day"
- "Avoid the embarrassment of..."
- "Get promoted faster by..."
#### 4. Appeal to Values
**Tie to deeper principles:**
- Fairness
- Justice
- Freedom
- Security
- Family
- Achievement
**Example:**
Not: "This policy affects many people."
Better: "This policy violates basic fairness - people doing the same work should get the same pay."
### Real-World Example: Blue Eye/Brown Eye Exercise
**The Lesson:**
Iowa teacher Jane Elliott wanted third-graders to understand prejudice after MLK's assassination.
**What She Did:**
- Divided class by eye color
- Gave blue-eyed students privileges, treated brown-eyed poorly
- Next day, reversed it
- Students experienced discrimination firsthand
**Why It Worked:**
- **Emotional:** Students felt the pain of discrimination
- **Personal:** It happened to them
- **Memorable:** They never forgot the lesson
- Not lecture (abstract) but experience (emotional)
### WIIFY ("What's In It For You?")
Always answer this question for readers:
- Why should I care?
- How does this affect me?
- What's the benefit to me personally?
**Example:**
Not: "Our new process improves efficiency metrics."
Better: "You'll spend 30 minutes less in meetings each day. That's 2.5 hours a week - time you can use for actual work or leave early on Friday."
### Application Questions
- [ ] Why should readers care emotionally?
- [ ] Have I focused on one individual (not masses)?
- [ ] Does this appeal to their identity?
- [ ] Have I shown personal benefit (WIIFY)?
- [ ] Have I connected to values?
- [ ] Will readers feel something?
### Common Mistakes
❌ Focusing on statistics instead of individuals
❌ Missing the emotional core
❌ Appealing only to logic
❌ Not answering "What's in it for me?"
❌ Being too abstract or distant
---
## S - Stories
### Principle
Use narrative to create mental simulation. Stories make readers experience ideas, not just understand them.
### Why It Works
When we read stories, we mentally simulate the experience. We put ourselves in the protagonist's shoes. We feel their emotions. We learn through vicarious experience.
### The Three Plot Types
#### 1. Challenge Plot
**Structure:** Protagonist overcomes obstacles against the odds.
**Emotional Takeaway:** "I can overcome my obstacles too."
**Examples:**
- David vs. Goliath
- Startup competing with giants
- Person overcoming illness or hardship
**Example:**
"Sarah joined the team knowing nothing about coding. For six months, she studied every night after work. She built small projects. She failed often. But she kept going. Today, Sarah is our lead developer. She deployed the feature that tripled our revenue."
**What Readers Learn:**
Persistence pays off. They can do hard things.
#### 2. Connection Plot
**Structure:** Bridge a gap between people, groups, or ideas.
**Emotional Takeaway:** "I can connect with others different from me."
**Examples:**
- Unlikely friendships
- Cross-cultural understanding
- Bringing together opposing sides
**Example:**
"The sales team and engineering team hated each other. Sales blamed engineering for bugs. Engineering blamed sales for impossible promises. Then we started monthly joint lunches. Just eating together. Talking as humans, not departments. Within three months, collaboration tripled. Within six months, they were finishing each other's sentences in meetings."
**What Readers Learn:**
Connection is possible. Small bridges can heal big divides.
#### 3. Creativity Plot
**Structure:** Someone solves a problem in a new, creative way.
**Emotional Takeaway:** "I can think differently and solve my problems."
**Examples:**
- Innovation stories
- Lateral thinking
- Unconventional solutions
**Example:**
"We spent months trying to make the app faster. Faster servers. Optimized code. Nothing worked enough. Then Maria asked: 'What if we don't make it faster? What if we make waiting feel faster?' She added a progress bar showing what the app was doing. User satisfaction doubled. Same speed, better experience. We were solving the wrong problem."
**What Readers Learn:**
Reframe problems. Think creatively.
### How to Use Stories
**Show, Don't Tell:**
- Not: "Code reviews are important."
- Story: "Mark's code review caught a bug that would have crashed the system on Black Friday. 50,000 orders saved because Mark took ten minutes to review carefully."
**Use Real Examples:**
- Real people (with permission, or anonymized)
- Real situations
- Real outcomes
- Specific details
**Keep It Relevant:**
Story must serve the core message. Don't tell stories just for entertainment.
### Application Questions
- [ ] Have I included a specific narrative?
- [ ] Does it show a challenge, connection, or creativity?
- [ ] Can readers simulate the experience mentally?
- [ ] Does the story serve my core message?
- [ ] Is it concrete and specific?
### Common Mistakes
❌ Telling instead of showing
❌ Using hypotheticals instead of real stories
❌ Stories that don't serve the message
❌ Too vague or abstract
❌ Missing the human element
---
## Stickiness Scorecard
Rate your message on each element (0-3 points):
### Simple
- 0 = Multiple competing ideas
- 1 = Core idea present but cluttered
- 2 = Clear core, mostly focused
- 3 = Single crystal-clear core (≤12 words)
### Unexpected
- 0 = Completely predictable
- 1 = Mildly interesting
- 2 = Surprising or curiosity-inducing
- 3 = Violates schema AND creates curiosity gap
### Concrete
- 0 = Mostly abstract
- 1 = Some specific examples
- 2 = Largely concrete and visualizable
- 3 = Fully sensory, specific, visualizable
### Credible
- 0 = No evidence
- 1 = Weak support
- 2 = Good evidence (stats, authority, or details)
- 3 = Multiple credibility types OR testable
### Emotional
- 0 = No emotional connection
- 1 = Slight appeal
- 2 = Clear personal benefit or value connection
- 3 = Strong identity, individual focus, or values
### Stories
- 0 = No narrative
- 1 = Brief example
- 2 = Clear story with some detail
- 3 = Vivid story with mental simulation
**Total Score: __/18**
**Interpretation:**
- 15-18: Highly sticky message
- 12-14: Good stickiness, could improve weak elements
- 8-11: Moderate stickiness, needs work
- 0-7: Weak stickiness, major revision needed
---
## Complete Example
**Original Message (Weak):**
"Our new project management system offers improved efficiency and better collaboration features for teams."
**SUCCESs Score: 3/18**
- Simple: 1 (vague core)
- Unexpected: 0 (predictable)
- Concrete: 0 (abstract)
- Credible: 0 (no evidence)
- Emotional: 0 (no personal benefit)
- Stories: 2 (brief example)
**Revised Message (Strong):**
"You're wasting 10 hours a week in pointless meetings and searching for files [Unexpected, Concrete]. Sarah's team was too. They switched to our project management system. Now they spend 2 hours a week in focused standups - that's it [Concrete, Simple]. Where did those 8 hours go? Real work [Emotional - self-interest]. Sarah says, 'I leave at 5 PM now, not 7 PM' [Story, Credible]. Try it for two weeks. If you don't save 8 hours, we'll refund you [Credible - testable]."
**SUCCESs Score: 17/18**
- Simple: 3 (save 8 hours a week)
- Unexpected: 3 (10 hours wasted opens with surprise)
- Concrete: 3 (specific hours, specific times)
- Credible: 3 (testable, specific numbers, real person)
- Emotional: 3 (personal benefit, leave work earlier)
- Stories: 2 (Sarah's brief story)